I heard we made out
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
