C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
