just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
