I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
