I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
