We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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