UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
