she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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