His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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