i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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