Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
