I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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