My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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