I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
