Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
