She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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