it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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