question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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