Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
