im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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