I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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