You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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