I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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