You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
