I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
