Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
