So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
