threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
