for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
