Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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