somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
