I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
