I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
