I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
