Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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