I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
