i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
