he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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