He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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