just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
even my farts smell like vagina
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
