Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
this hospital has no fireball
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