I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
