I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
