He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
