Life is so much better after having sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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