Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
