we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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