You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
