I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
