Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
