Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
